Monday, December 31, 2007
I was actually at a friend/co-worker's house for a game night with some of her friends and another of our co-workers, and it was very nice, and much more fun than I would have anticipated, given that I had dreaded all holidays.
FEBRUARY: What did you do for Valentine's Day?
I bought hilarious cards and made gift packs for my girlfriends. Again, much better than I thought it would be.
MARCH: Did you celebrate St. Patty's Day by getting drunk?
No, I was babysitting for the drunk getters. More money, less hangovers!
APRIL: Did you have to walk in the rain?
This is Indiana, let's be realistic. If I hadn't walked in the rain, I wouldn't have left my house.
MAY: Did you fail any classes?
Damn near, but my math teacher let me re-take my final, which got me over that hump to the diploma. Bless him.
JUNE: Did you buy a new swimsuit?
No, 'cause I don't really do a lot of swimming. Maybe next year I'll get one of those cute, 50s looking ones.
JULY: Did you party on 4th of July?
I didn't have to work and I got to see Jon, so... sure!
AUGUST: Did you go to the beach?
I'm landlocked. So no.
SEPTEMBER: Did you start school again?
Nope, I'm on a break.
OCTOBER: What did you dress as for Halloween?
I think I just wore a silly headband with cat ears or something. I'm lazy.
NOVEMBER: What did you do for Thanksgiving?
Spent the morning at my dad's eating steak, and the afternoon at my sister's eating turkey. It was nice.
DECEMBER: What do you want/what did you get for Christmas?
I got a super nice new computer from my mom, among other things. I can't wait to have the internet at home again.
Did you reach your goals for 2007?
I don't think I set specific goals, but I think I did okay.
Beside your set goals, what else did you accomplish?
I graduated, I took care of myself all by myself for a whole year, I made a lot of progress in therapy, and I didn't get fired! So good year.
What is something you learned about yourself?
That I can get through more stuff than I thought I could.
Did you do anything you'd never thought you'd ever do?
Not that I can think of.
In 2007, did you:
Change your apperance?
I got some cute haircuts.
Move to a new place?
Ick, no. I hate moving.
Go to a concert?
I saw Guster twice!
Go to a sporting event?
No, but I was at the Super Bowl in spirit, and it was awesome.
Get a new job?
Get a new addition to your family?
My dad's adorable dachshund puppies, Oscar and Charlie.
Gain new friends?
I'm sure I did at some point.
Lose old friends?
Lose isn't the right word, but I did accept that some relationships have changed substantially.
Get into a fight (verbal or physical)?
Verbal for sure. My sisters and I go rounds sometimes.
Puke from drinking too much?
No, and not an experience I missed. I did have the flu for the first time in a while this year, and it re-cemented for me how freaking much I hate puking.
Go to a wedding?
Nope, not that I can recall.
Go to a funeral?
I don't think so, which is a good thing.
Go to the hospital?
To visit my grandma, yeah.
Have any run ins with the law?
*sigh* Yeah, my stupid license got suspended and I'm still sorting it out.
Start a relationship?
As a matter of fact, yes.
End a relationship?
Spend over $1000 on something?
Honestly not something I've stopped to quantify.
Fall is my favorite time of the year.
Thanksgiving was much smoother than I thought it would be.
Just getting to spend time with Jon and my friends/family.
I think my sis and I did our Mafia party this year, and it was pretty fun.
Moment you laughed so hard that you cried?
I probably cracked my sister up at some point, or I was laughing at the puppies.
My birthday was kind of ass this year.
Not really sure, I tend to forget that stuff.
Arguing with my sis about my parents splitting up.
Pain you felt?
I'm not sure. Probably when I rear-ended that guy on my birthday.
Person you met?
Dick Cheney was in my city, does that count?
For New Year's Eve 2007/2008
Where will you be?
Who will be there?
Jon, me, Sacha and Queenie (his dogs).
Do you want to kiss someone at midnight?
Definitely that first guy, and maybe the third and fourth on the list.
What are you wearing?
Jeans and a green Old Navy shirt.
What are your goals?
Again, not something I think about too much, but I would say get a better handle on money, start working toward grad school, and not stress overly much.
What do you look forward to?
Umm... things that won't suck?
Monday, December 17, 2007
But the car's newest oddity is by far it's most irritating. The radio is possessed.
It started last week. I was driving home from work and decided to flip from NPR to a music station. Then my radio turned back to NPR. Spontaneously. It did this like 4 times. Then it stopped letting me change stations altogether. I can change channels intermittently, usually near the beginning of getting into my car, but it sometimes still changes on it's own. And better yet, it changes two of the pre-set buttons to whichever channel it's currently on. So NPR is now programmed into two buttons instead of just one.
Someone needs to find me that short lady and Craig T. Nelson, STAT.
Monday, December 10, 2007
I don't know what was wrong with your network timing AGAIN this week, but this is the second time in four weeks that I've DVRd The Amazing Race only to have it not start at the appropriate time. I missed the last half of the episode, you douchewads! Get with the program!
Friday, December 7, 2007
The thing that blows my mind about these awful people is how they take the life of a person that they supposedly believe in who was all about love and acceptance, and turn it into a hateful, disgusting pile of shit. They claim that God hates the entire world. Does this exclude them? Are we supposed to believe that God threw Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Evil out of petty anger? The being you supposedly believe in who endowed you with a soul and free will is actually a petty kid with a magnifying glass, burning up ants just so he can feel powerful over something? I don't get how these people try to justify worship to a God who clearly has contempt for the entire creation he made, and who finds his people irredeemable.
These people make me so deeply sad and angry.
Uplifting post in just a bit! I'm not dwelling on this disgusting crap for long.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
- Thanksgiving was really, really nice and drama-free, believe it or not.
- My sis, bro-in-law and I went over to my dad's last night to play games and eat pizza. It was totally nice.
- I'm working on another scarf, and it's kind of too wide, but it looks really good so far. A really wide scarf isn't a problem, is it Catherine? I've got the knit stitch down, I managed to cast on for this one by myself... is it time to learn to purl? Holy crap! Is it possible I'm getting the hang of this?!
- My apartment is a mess. I gave the pets chores before I left yesterday, but I bet their freeloading asses don't do anything.
- I've got a post to make up for yesterday if that's not cheating.
- America's Next Top Model makes me happy. And guilty. It's awesome.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
How intensely do you celebrate Thanksgiving, on a 1-10 scale?
If we're basing it on an eating scale, 11. If we're basing it on how psyched I get? 6-7
1. What is your favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Eating myself stupid. Yum.
2. Do you eat Turkey? What foods are on your table every year?
I love turkey. There must be mashed potatoes and sweet pickle midgies or it's not Thanksgiving along with the turkey. And pumpkin pie, obviously.
3. What are your Thanksgiving traditions, is there something you do every year?
Eat self into stupor. That's about it. Harass my brother-in-law for putting ketchup on his turkey.
4. Do you watch the Macy's Day Parade?
Meh, bits and pieces, but not really.
5. What are you thankful for?
My family and friends, my pets, Jon, my health, etc.
6. Do you go shopping on Black Friday -the next day?
I might if the sales were super good, but I hate crowds of people. So probably not.
7. Do you celebrate Buy Nothing Day?
If that's the opposite of Black Friday, sure.
8. Do you watch football at home?
Not really, but the Colts are playing tomorrow night, so Adam might put it on if I'm still there.
9. Do you have a favorite Thanksgiving Memory?
No, not really, but it was nice to go to my grandparents and see my cousins and stuff when we were growing up and everyone was still here.
10. It's not Thanksgiving without...
Turkey! Might as well scrap the holiday.
11. What will be different about this Thanksgiving?
It's the first year since my parents split up, so that'll be weird, but we'll work it out.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
So I was watching a documentary on the History Channel last night on the Ku Klux Klan. It was so irritating, seeing these people in their vileness. But even more interesting is that they say they're lighting these crosses on fire to show the light of Christ and not about how much they hate Jews, blacks, etc. So I'm wondering a few things now. Are they aware that Jesus was
- not white
- and pretty damn inclusive?
I mean seriously, what the hell?
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
- Marc used to do baby voices for the group we hung out in based on our personalities. So Baby Marc was playing a tiny guitar and being all "You goy suck! I get 8 days of presents, and my parents know my affection has to be purchased!"
- Marc once re-wrote they lyrics to Wonderwall about an acquaintance of ours with really sad, saggy boobs, called "Wonder-bra." It was even more funny than it sounds like it would be.
- Marc has a great sense of humor about himself, which is a must in order to actually be funny. He makes fun of his cheapness, he has dozens of pictures of himself and his girlfriend where he's literally holding his wallet open to her, looking shocked. And he's got the cojones to do stand-up, which is more than most of us are gutsy enough to do!
All this and the poor guy didn't even have cable growing up!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
SEVEN CIRCLESCIRCLE ONE: THE OUTSIDE
1. What's your name: Angela Nicole (Redacted)
2. How tall are you: 5'8"
3. What color are your eyes: Green or blue, depending on clothing.
4. What color is your hair: Dark blonde.
5. Are you Male or Female: Female.
6. What is your best feature (physically): I have pretty eyes and great cheekbones.
7. What's your shoe size: 8-9
8. Glasses, yes or no: Yes
9. Did you ever have braces: No, but as a kid, I wanted them hardcore.
10. On a typical day you are wearing: Clothing, generally clean.
11. When you go to bed you're wearing: A tank top and underwear, if anything.
12. work out/exercise about how often: In a blue friggin' moon.
CIRCLE TWO: MUSIC
1. Name five of your favorite bands: Barenaked Ladies, Guster, Nickel Creek, They Might Be Giants, Rascal Flatts
2. Name five of your favorite singers: Tori Amos, Kelly Clarkson, Anna Nalick, Billy Joel, Elton John
3. Name three songs you are currently playing nonstop: "When You Come Back Down," Nickel Creek, "As If," Sara Evans, " "Ever the Same" Rob Thomas
4. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life right now: Is there a song about having a shitty day and wanting to jump out the window? No? Plead the fifth at the moment, but generally we'll go "Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek.
5. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life one year ago: "Winner at a Losing Game" Rascal Flatts.
6. When you're driving, what are the preset stations on your radio: 92.3, 99.5, 97.1, 90.1, 105.7, 95.5
7. What's the last CD you bought: Colbie Callait
8. Was the last CD you burned an actual CD or a mix: Mix, I'm sure, but it's been forever.
9. Name one song/band/singer you're embarrassed to like but do: Journey.
10. If you could only attend one concert ever again, it would be: Barenaked Ladies
11. Name one band/singer you absoulutely can't stand: Hoobastank.
12. Name a group you used to like but feel you've grown out of: NKOTB. Hee.
CIRCLE THREE: MOVIES/TELEVISION
1. Name your favorite actor: George Clooney *Drool*
2. Name your favorite actress: Alison Janney.
3. Name your favorite television show right now: Pushing Daisies
4. Name five really cool movies you've recently seen: I'm ignoring recently, I haven't been to the movies in forever. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Knocked Up, Pan's Labrynth, Shaun of the Dead, and The Wedding Singer. These are mostly what came to mind more than anything else.
5. Your favorite canceled television show: Arrested Development! I didn't see it when it was on, but now I'm more than hooked. Come back, show!
6. Name one movie you wish you hadn't wasted time/money on recently: Autumn in New York. It wasn't recently, but I was angry and wanted my money back.
7. You would never watch a movie with: Britney Spears starring.
8. Favorite candy/food to watch movies with: Popcorn or Sour Patch Kids
9. Three favorite tv channels: Discovery, History, MTV/Vh1, whoever's running ANTM marathons.
10. Favorite reality show: Project Runway
11. Favorite character on a reality show: Jay McCarroll and Laura Bennett
CIRCLE FOUR: WORD ASSOCIATION
1. coffee: sweet
2. dog: Shadow
3. slut: bag
4. candy: corn
5. pole: vault
6. ocean: salt
7. brave: one
8. loving: care
9. cookie: snickerdoodle
10. death: rebirth
11. life: force
12. child: niece/nephew
CIRCLE FIVE: WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER:(bold the one you prefer)
1. Ten guilty men go free OR One innocent man goes to jail for life (Both suck, but I believe in Karma.)
2. Eaten by a lion OR Eaten by thousands of small insects (At least the first is fast!)
3. A life of contentment without love OR A life with love and heartache (One's not living, simple as that.)
4. Skydiving from a plane OR Bungee jumping off a bridge (My spine is not an accordion!)
5. No television OR No music (I would weep without my TiVo, but come on, I can't live without music.)
6. No more pizza, ever OR No more chocolate, ever (This is like Sophie's Choice! Argh! But there are other sweets, I suppose I could make do.)
7. A trip to Europe OR a trip to Hawaii (I want to go to Europe, but more I want to lay on a beach somewhere beautiful and drink fruity alcohol.
8 An hour with your future soul mate OR An hour with a lost loved one (If it's my soulmate, I'll find him/her eventually.)
9 No longer being able to cry OR No longer being able to feel the need to cry (If I felt like I really needed to but never could, that would suck.)
10 Sex without love OR love without sex (This would also suck.)
12. Loving someone who doesn't love you OR being loved by someone you don't love (Believe it or not, I'd feel worse about the second.)
CIRCLE SIX: THE LOVE LIFE
1. Are you currently in a relationship: Yep!
2. Are you currently looking/interested in someone: Yep! (It'd be a shitty relationship otherwise.)
3. Are you a virgin: Yep! Hahahahaha, just kidding. Nope.
4. If yes, how long do you plan to be one: 'Til I'm 40 and then they'll make a wicked awesome movie about my awkwardness!
5. How many times have you been "in love": Twice genuinely, two more times not really.
6. Looking back, how do you feel about that person(s) now: The not reallys: One quite warmly, with a touch of "what a dumb-ass", one "what a dumb-ass". The genuines: One warm, a bit sad. One warm and fuzzy and sweaty and... I've said enough.
7. Name three things (physically) you look for in someone: Nice eyes, good smile, giant dong. Nah, I don't really care about the eyes. Seriously, the third would be decent build. Skinny boys make me feel like Jabba the Hut.
8. Name three things (mentally/emotionally) you look for in someone: Sense of humor, intelligence, openness
9. Biggest turn offs include: not openness, rudeness, bigotry, BO. (Let's be honest.)
10. Your ideal date would be: Fun, sweet.
11. You want to get married, where, when, how: Someday, somewhere, by someone. I haven't worked out all the particulars yet.
12. Does anyone have feelings for you right now that you don't return: Not that I'm aware of.
CIRCLE SEVEN: THE FRIENDS (of your friends, who would you say is:)
1. The one you immediately go to with a problem: Suzy, Mary
2. The most rational: Mary
3. The funniest: Sara
4. The one you spend the most time on the phone with: Lissy.
5. The craziest (but in a good way): Sara
6. The most honest: Suzy, Mary
7. The purest: Suzy
8. The smartest: All!
9. The most athletic: Jenn
10. The most compassionate: Suzy, but all my friends are super compassionate.
11. The one most likely to get thrown in jail and why: Sara, and there's no telling why!
12. The last one that said "I love you": Stacy
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
1.) Be able to comsume fatty foods without gaining weight OR be able to have unprotected sex without getting sexual diseases? Are you kidding me? Bacon wrapped cake, beeyotch. Not really, that would be gross. But you get my meaning.
2.) Be able to communicate with animals, but only the nerds OR be able to read people's minds but only when they are thinking about aluminum siding topics and issues? Animals. I don’t get this nerdy animal thing. But talking to animals would be great unless I realized my pets think I’m an asshole.
3.) Have a knack for model train set-ups but have an irresistible urge to punch people named Mildred in the breast and thighs OR be able to make anything shiny but be unable to refrain from making the tug boat gesture and sound any time an overweight person enters a room? Number one, since I don’t know anyone named Mildred, and if I did, they might deserve it.
4.) During sex, be able to read the mind of the person you are having sex with OR be able to hit you or your partner's G-spot by finding Waldo in a Where's Waldo book? (each page used only once)Reading the mind would be more useful, because then I could tell if I was getting anywhere near the g spot as well as anything else. But there would need to be a filter so I didn’t hear “Damn, is her ass getting bigger?”
5.)Every hour on the hour, change which gender you are attracted to OR turn your sexual partner into Tony Danza when you climax, and then turn them back to themselves the next time you have sex with them?The first one does not bother me at all, the second makes me want to be ill.
6.)Have your mom have to put on your condom like she was dressing you as a child OR never be able to call your spouse by the same name twice?Mom+condom=never happening for any reason ever.
7.)Have to use condoms that come in a wrapper where you have to finish the crossword puzzle before it can be opened OR be unable to shake the image of Meadowlark Lemon during all sexual congress? The puzzle would be part of the fun!
8.) Never be able to experience orgasm OR perpetually experience orgasm? This is a dumb question. But obviously the second. I’d just need to learn to work around it, so to speak.
9.) Attract swarms of fireflies when aroused OR have the sound of microphone feedback intermittently emanating from your crotch? Feedback from my crotch would be hilarious.
10.) Your penis/breasts increase in size by 10 percent each year OR decrease in size by 2 percent each year? I wouldn’t be able to stand upright by the time I was 30, so option B.11.) Vicariously experience all orgasms that occur in your zip code OR during sex, have the Microsoft paper clip help icon appear with sex tips?MS Help blows. Option B.
12.) Have Bettie Davis eyes OR Charles Manson eyes? Why in god’s name would I want Charles Manson eyes? A. DUH.
13.) Be able to simulate the voice of anybody you meet OR simulate the hair?I could make serious bank by simulating voices. I’ll take it.
14.) Be able to achieve orgasm at will OR be able to make anyone other than yourself achieve orgasm at your will? Others, how cool would that be? "Ding! You can thank me later." This was the last person’s answer, but I couldn’t change it. Perfect.
15.) Have taste buds all over your body OR have a malleable stress-ball head? Stress ball head. I don’t want to know what certain things taste like, such as my feet.
16.)Have an ever-changing tattoo that takes the form of whatever image you will it be OR be able to psychically see anybody's internet browser history when looking at them? That’s retarded. Changing tattoo would be much better.
17.) Have Gatorade saliva OR be able to murmur fluently in twelve languages? Gatorade saliva would be disgusting. The language thing would be bad-ass.
18.) Be able to insist on paying for the check but never actually get stuck with it OR know exactly what the person on the other end of the phone looks like simply by hearing their voice? The first one. :)
19.) Slide naked down a fire man's pole covered with tacks into a pool of scotch OR cheese-grate the skin off your left forearm? The second, but I’m weeping for either.
20.) Chew a used condom as gum for an hour OR have all your pubic hairs become ingrown? GAH!!! B, but please kill me.
21.) Sleep a night on a bed of peanut butter OR next to a humidifier full of urine? Peanut butter. What sick bastard wrote this survey.
22.) Have invisible skin OR see in strobe light? See in strobe light. Then I could just gouge my eyes out.
23.) Have an intense urge to whisper sweet nothings into the ears of bus drivers as you pay your fare OR have parents who affectionately refer to you as "anal cakes"? The first would be funny, especially if I could carry mace if needed.
24.) Have permanent Cheetoh residue on your fingertips OR appear as Shemp of the three stooges in all photographs? Cheetoh residue, as long as it didn’t get on my clothes or others.
25.) Have commercial interruptions during masturbation fantasies OR have to masturbate with the mandatory use of a Sesame Street's Elmo hand puppet? It would be A, because I refuse to violate my childhood.
Would your rather your only porn be......
1.) 6 second clips of hot people OR 2 minute clips of moderately attractive people? 2 minutes. I can’t get anything done in 6 seconds.
2.) Verbose, subtle erotic fiction OR pornographic Magic Eye 3D pictures? The first one. (Am I really going to post this in my blog?!)
3.) Animal Nature documentaries OR suggestive cloud formations? Cloud formations are much more fun.
4.) Geometric shapes OR family reunion pictures? SHAPES. No family EVER.
Would you rather live in a world....
1.) Where women were given equal pay, opportunity, and access to jobs OR where men experience the pains of the birth process along with women? Damn, I want both. Except then the species would die out. Let’s say A.
2.) Where there was a rapper-like East Coast/West Coast feud of mimes OR where the pledge of allegiance was changed to the lyrics to "Eye of the Tiger"? Hee, bring on the warring mimes.
3.) Where Teletubbies were a common species of creature that lived in the wild OR where there were evil, bizzaro arch-enemy versions of ourselves? Teletubbies. I know too many people whose archenemies would scare me.
4.) Where the convention of singing "Happy Birthday" was replaced with "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet" by Bachman Turner Overdrive OR where congressional debate was settled by dodgeball contests? Dodgeball! Whoo!
5.) Without skin moisturizer OR without cream cheese? Cream cheese. I’d miss cheesecake, but there would still be cake and pie.
(Guys) Would you rather have sex with....
1.) Hillary Clinton OR Natalie from Facts of Life? (This doesn’t apply to me, but Natalie. At least she was my age-ish.)
2.) Jessica Rabbit OR Daphne from Scooby Doo? (Duh, Jessica Rabbit.)
3.) Venus Williams OR Sheryl Crow if she spoke in the voice of an old Jewish man? (Sheryl Crow, I’d tape her mouth shut.)
Ladies...Would you rather have sex with...
1.) Bryant Gumble OR Weird Al Yankovic? Bryant Gumble. I’d feel like I was violating Al.
2.) Alex Trebec OR Larry David? Larry David, he’s funny and no smug moustache.
3.) Johnny Depp without a leg OR Tom Selleck without a moustache? Hey, if Johnny’s only missing a leg, I don’t see where there’s a problem. However, I would not throw the Selleck out of bed.
1.) You are walking down the street and see an open briefcase with $1,000 in it. Across the street there is a police station. Do you spend it on whores or crack? Whores, I don’t have any need for crack. But really I’d buy an iPod and pay my bills.
2.) You're driving at night and hit a dog. No one witnesses you hitting the dog. Do you bake or broil it? CRY.
3.) You're waiting at a red light at 4 am. There isn't a car in sight. No one would see if you ran the light. Do you masturbate with your left or right hand? Wha?! Wait ‘til I got home, Mr. Icky Survey!
I’ve officially squicked myself out with this survey, but I’m posting it anyway.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
I think I remember the day we moved into the house we grew up in, but my parents think I just know it from the telling. All I really remember is sitting around a bunch of boxes and eating White Castles, so it’s entirely possible they’re right on that, but that’s what I pinpoint as my first memory.
The first birthday I remember was when I was 3 or 4. I don’t remember a ton about it either, except that it was at Showbiz Pizza (before it became Chuck E Cheese) and my grandma and grandpa gave Liss and I tricycles.
The first trip I ever remember taking is to Tennessee to visit my great grandmother. I was probably 4 or 5 then. We took my grandparents’ RV, which was really cool. I remember walking to a general store-type place and spending forever picking out candy, as kids do. I also remember that Great Grandma was 98, mostly blind, and sat knitting in a rocking chair. She scared the crap out of me, the way old people do. My uncle Joe and… Uncle TF? Was that who it was? Anyway, two uncles taught Liss and me how to clap with one hand (which Uncle Joe could do really well because he’s double-jointed) and how to spin on our butts on the hardwood floor, which we thought was the most awesome thing ever. I also remember my cousin Jana used to dote over us a ton, and for some reason we called her Frog.
From kindergarten, I remember usually wanting to play with the cardboard bricks rather than the dolls and stuff. I liked building stuff, but I more liked being dramatic and making soap operas out of the space battles the boys were playing. I also remember a talent show where we sang “Let’s go fly a kite,” which I still know all the words to. And my art of smiling flowers got picked to be displayed in the Children’s Museum, (which was free at the time! I paid $20 to get in there two weeks ago!) and I thought it was too freakin’ cool.
So…yeah! Those are things I consider to be my first real memories!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
However, the Queen, and her friend Caroline, have both given me great prompts! Huzzah!
What was my first BNL concert? (Barenaked Ladies is tied for my favorite rock band in the world with Guster.)
BNL was actually my first concert ever, and I was 18. My mom way over-sheltered me. I got to go to the concert because I had made a friend at college, Marc, who introduced me to BNL, and, in an effort to get to know each other better (and a foreign city, as Marc is a native Chicagoan), he asked me to go to the show. My mom was hesitant to let me go (yeah, I lived at home, it was cheaper) and it was actually my grandma convinced her that it would be okay. My mom was on the phone with my grandma, and mentioned the show and that I wanted to go see some band about naked people. My grandma responded “Oh, Barenaked Ladies! I saw something about them on VH-1! They’re nice boys, one of them has cancer.” It’s funny, because I’m certain my grandma has never heard a BNL song in her life, but I still owe her one for that. So my mom bought the tickets for Marc and I to see Barenaked Ladies at Conseco Fieldhouse. Marc was extra psyched because Guster was opening for them. I’d never heard of Guster at all, but I was still excited about the concert.
We got there super early, and we still had a great time. Someone across the Fieldhouse yelled, “Whoo, Guster!” before people were even really filing in, and Marc was like, “Whoo! Fellow Jew!” because the guys in Guster all happen to be Jewish (though I don’t think that’s a requirement). After Guster played maybe a 7 song set, I was hooked, went to the lobby, and immediately bought “Lost and Gone Forever,” my first and favorite Guster album.
BNL was promoting the “Maroon” album, so there was a chef flinging donuts ala “Pinch Me” and big weird inflatable things. Marc and I sang and yelled and shouted and essentially just had an awesome night. That’s why no matter how far apart Marc and I end up living, I’ll always owe him one for that first BNL/Guster show.
Up next! Earliest childhood memory! Suggestions? Note me!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The trip lasted from a Sunday to a Thursday, the Sunday and Thursday being travel time. It was hella cheap, too. For 3 plays, two nights in a hotel, bus fare, two dinners, a lunch, and a theater workshop, it only cost about $450, plus whatever money you wanted to spend in the city. Here are some of the highlights:
Coolest Random Billboard: In Times Square, there was a billboard with a giant spoon on it advertising Jell-O. I thought it was the shit. Obviously, I was (and am still) easily entertained.
Best Play Seen: Without question, Kiss Me, Kate, which we got to see with Brian Stokes Mitchell and Marin Mazzie, during the first part of the show's revival. It was absolutely hysterical. The other option that night was Cats, which I ended up seeing years later and hating because it has no plot and goes on for a month. We also saw The Phantom of the Opera, and Les Miserables. They were both good, but neither could hold a candle to the other.
Most Awesome Non-PC Moment: Tim, one of our trip-mates, yelling "Hey guys! A midget!" Which is when we all crowded to one side of the bus to see. The midget gave us the finger. It was awesome.
Most Art Seen: The Greek statues at the Met. We only had 90 minutes at the Met and I wanted to find the damned impressionists, but we kept running back and forth through the room with the statues trying to find it. It was both hilarious and irritating at the same time.
Best Prank Pulled: Some of the other trippers duct-taped our acting teacher's door shut, and because he has an awesome sense of humor, he didn't even get pissed about it.
Most Awesome "People Won't Believe This" Moment: A cop falling off his bike at Battery Park. HiLARious!
Best Event on a Boat: Trippers Joe and Tim pulling a Titanic moment on the deck of the boat to the Statue of Liberty, and a kid puking right behind them. Awesome.
Best Piece of Tchotchky Crap Bought: Statue of Liberty lighter, hands down.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Thank you for opening up ten minutes from my house. This was a wonderfully kind gesture on your part, and I very much enjoyed half a slice of Snickers Cheesecake last night, and intend to thoroughly enjoy the second half after I mow my friend Jen's lawn. Also, thank you for being $6 a slice, thus ensuring that my ass will not immediately grow to eclipse the sun.
Dear Swimmers/Parents of Swimmers at My University,
I can't imagine whatever school or planet you come from is fully loaded with retards, so why is it that you get stupid when you come here? I know, I know. We have a big pool, this is where you compete or watch your kids compete. And given the fact that you or your offspring know how to dive off shit and open your eyes underwater and tread water and do a myriad of things I'm not currently capable of, I have to assume you're capable of using a parking garage. Why, then, do you show up at mine, and drive like someone replaced your brains with speedos and noseclips? Also, don't walk down the middle of the driving lane. It will be very hard for you to swim after I slam into you with Libby the Toyota Corolla of Justice.
I'm beginning to think my unconscious mind take peyote while I'm sleeping. In the past week, I've dreamed that Jon pissed me off by going to a Thanksgiving pageant in Pennsylvania without me, that I was extorted by a small child who wanted less money than I was offering and treated me like I was stupid, and that my twin and I were househunting in California. (We're not, and not planning to as far as I know. Plus, Adam would probably be pretty pissed.) This is to say nothing of the dream I had about a month ago where David Bowie wanted me to hang out with his daughter so that she would look prettier, and therefore become more famous, in comparison to me. Who knew David Bowie was such a twat?
Friday, November 2, 2007
Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: Watching Cheaters on my DVR when I get ready in the morning. That show’s so awful, and so very watchable.
Current Favorite Colors: Hunter green, and the colors of the leaves outside.
Current Fetish: Making out with Jon. His back was really bad last week, and we started kissing and a lightbulb went off in my brain, like “Holy crap! This is really fun, too!” But that’s not really a fetish. Hmm. Voyeurism. (Now I creep you out. Sweet.)
Current Favorite Food: Pepperoni and pineapple pizza. Steak. Mashed potatoes. Chocolate. I’m indecisive.
Current Favorite Drink: Canada Dry Ginger Ale, and hard cider.
Current Link: www.icanhascheezburger.com. I can’t help it, it cracks me up.
Current Favorite Outfit: Eh. Don’t really care. My Old Navy sweaters are really comfy and pretty cute though.
Current Fragrance: Lavender body lotion and “Egyptian Goddess” essential oil.
Current Wish-List: Sacks full of cash, for Jon’s back to get better, and an unlimited expense account at Borders.
Current Favorite Film: Little Miss Sunshine is the first thing that comes to mind, then Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Current Music: “So Small” – Carrie Underwood
Current Anticipation: Seeing Jon tomorrow. This once a week thing is for the birds.
Current Triumph: Getting all of the scholarship letters ready to go this morning.
Current Bane(s) of My Existence: Forgetting to Xerox the damn letters before I stuffed them in their envelopes, which means later I’ll need to rewrite each one for the student files. Dammit.
Current Celebrity Crush: George Clooney, Tori Amos, Angelina Jolie, and Viggo Mortensen.
Current Indulgence: I just had Steak n Shake with my sis and brother-in-law. Mmmm, Frisco.
Current #1 Blessings: Jon, the pets, friends.
Current Mood: Itchy, but in a good mood. (I think a spider attacked my leg in like 9 places last night. Bitch.)
Current Weather: Cool and clear. Love me some autumn.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Two weeks ago case in point: Emerson, Chi McBride's character, is discovered to be a knitter. Double Awesome.
Seriously, with all due respect to Comic Book Guy, and possible exception of The West Wing, Greatest. Show. Ever.
I'll write more if at some point I come up with something more substantial.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
100 Anchorman--This is really low, considering how funny it is.
99 Birdcage--Love it, would have ranked it higher.
98 School of Rock--Love it, surprised it made the list, though. It's funny but test of time funny? I dunno.
97 Happy Gilmore--I've only seen this through twice, but if nothing else, I'm grateful for "The price is wrong, bitch!"
96 Four Weddings and A Funeral--This movie's terrifically funny, but for some reason I never think of it as a funny movie.
95 Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle*
94 Waiting for Guffman--"Well I just hate you then, and I hate your ass face!" Brilliant.
93 The Aristocrats*
92 Father of the Bride--Cute, but really?
91 Revenge of the Nerds*
90 Clueless--I can recite most of this movie. Seems about right.
88 Team America*
87 Kentucky Fried Movie*
85 Dirty Rotten Scoundrels*
84 Silver Streak*
83 Sister Act--Guilty pleasure.
82 Tootsie--I haven't seen this in forever. I should watch it again.
81 Half Baked*
80 Lost in America*
79 Three Amigos*
77 Flirting With Disaster*
76 Ghostbusters--Why is this so low? This is one of the funniest movies I can think of, and it's as funny now as when I was a kid. Way too low on the list.
75 Dumb & Dumber*
74 Trading Places*
73 City Slickers--I like this movie, but it seems a little high to me.
70 The Nutty Professor--Really? Not that funny to me. For my money, Coming to America is a far better multi-Eddie Murphy movie.
69 Blues Brothers--Too low on the list. This is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.
68 Broadcast News*
67 King Pin*
66 Dazed and Confused*
65 Office Space--Also seems a bit low, but probably mostly because I relate to and love it so.
64 Spinal Tap--Too low on the list. Mini-Stonehenge! Are you kidding me?
62 The Pink Panther*
61 Election--Reese Witherspoon's brilliant.
60 When Harry Met Sally--This is awfully high on the list, and probably more for the orgasm scene than anything else, which isn't even close to my favorite part of the movie. (Billy Crystal eating seeded grapes in the car. Cracks me up.)
59 Police Academy Series*
58 Private Benjamin*
56 Young Frankenstein--Too low on the list. Awesome movie.
55 Bull Durham*
54 Ferris Beuller’s Day Off--Another one I have memorized. Cameron's the best part of that movie, though.
53 Dr. Strangelove*
52 Meet the Parents*
51 National Lampoon’s Vacation--I've only seen this through once, I should maybe watch it again before I judge.
50 The Princess Bride--Can't argue with that.
49 American Pie--Really? Funnier than Young Frankenstein?
48 American Grafitti*
47 9 to 5--Eh. Way high.
46 The Incredibles--I can't argue with this one though I thought I could. It's just adorable, and Edna Mode is my favorite cartoon character ever.
45 Raising Arizona*
44 Sixteen Candles*
43 What About Bob--Oh, Bill Murray. Always funny.
42 Harold & Maude*
41 Austin Powers--Again, higher than Ghostbusters? I don't see that.
40 Monty Python and the Holy Grail--Really should be top 10.
39 Mrs. Doubtfire--I loved this movie, but this seems inordinately high to me.
38 Best in Show--Fred Willard is my king.
36 Good Morning Vietnam--Again, I never really think of this movie as all that funny.
35 Beetlejuice--Did you know Michael Keaton's only in this for 17 minutes? He was awesome though.
34 Rushmore--Super funny uncomfortable.
33 Clerks--"I'm not even supposed to be here today!"
32 Groundhog Day--This would make my top 10.
31 Big Leobowski--This should be higher, it's hysterical. One of the weirdest, funniest movies I've ever seen.
30 The 40-Year Old Virgin--Loved it. Supporting cast sealed the deal on an already terrific movie. Could easily make my top 10.
29 Legally Blonde--My sister will hate me for this, but I think that's kind of high.
28 Annie Hall*
27 A Fish Called Wanda--Kevin Kline is hysterical. I love this movie.
26 Wayne’s World--Really fun, but again seems high on the list to me.
25 Meet the Fockers*
24 Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure*
23 Big--It seems I think movies that are overly sentimental are ranked too high. I love Big, but I wouldn't put it in the top 25.
22 Beverly Hills Cop*
20 The Jerk*
19 The Wedding Crashers--This was so much better than I thought it would be.
18 Stripes--Bill Murray and Harold Ramis are hilarious off each other.
17 M*A*S*H--Seems pretty high to me, but I've only seen it once.
16 Old School*
15 Fast Times at Ridgemont High*
14 Napoleon Dynamite--Not that I didn't think this movie was funny, but that seems really high to me. (Sorry Chris!)
13 Naked Gun Series--Fair enough.
12 The Producers--That movie is hilarious. God love Mel Brooks.
11 PeeWee’s Big Adventure*
10 Arthur--I love this movie. Guilgood alone gets it high on the list for me.
9 Blazing Saddles--Yep. Awesome movie.
8 The Wedding Singer--This movie is great, but not as funny as Blazing Saddles.
7 Ace Ventura, Pet Detective--Again, you're besting Blazing Saddles and The Producers. I think not.
6 Airplane--Top 5 material. Too funny to be behind Shrek for god's sake.
5 South Park--If only because "Blame Canada" got to be sung at the Oscars, I'm fine with this.
4 There’s Something About Mary--I never really got why this movie was supposed to be the grail of funny. Too high for my money.
3 Shrek--Super cute, no way I'd put it in the top 10.
2 Caddyshack--"It's in the hole!" Love.
1 Animal House*
One very important question, listmakers: Well, two. One, what were you smoking? And two: Where is Real Genius? It not making the list at all is a total crock.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
And now, letters to persons and subjects of interest.
Dear Ben and Jerry’s S’more Ice Cream,
The love I have for you is deep and very true. Though I can actually hear my thighs expanding as I eat you, I want to have your adorable little ice cream babies, though I would probably eat them, and that would be really weird. Thank you for being exactly what I was craving, though I did not immediately know it.
Dear Pushing Daisies,
You may be pushing the quirk envelope to the absolute max, but I do love you. Jim Davis, you are king. Come narrate my life. You could make getting my cereal in the morning and letting the dog out sound interesting.
Pleasepleaseplease don't get cancelled!
Please grow on trees. I need more of you. Soon.
Yay! We've been dating for five months! Good for us. Here's hoping we continue to rock.
...and the mental well's gone dry again. Oh well.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
- I'm learning to knit! I sort of suck at it, because I drop stitches constantly and I have no idea how to pick them up if they're on the ends of rows or whatever. But still! I sit down at night and watch stuff off the DVR and I feel all Little House on the Prairie, minus the horrible clothes and never-ending life lessons. It's totally gratifying.
- I've been reading Helter Skelter, and am almost done. I like true crime, particularly Bugliosi, and I've found this pretty fascinating. It's kind of incredible to see how powerful someone can be personality-wise that people were willing to lie, steal and kill for him. It boggles my mind, but it's interesting. Plus, I'm totally convinced that I could be brainwashed into a cult pretty easily, which is nerve-wracking. Anyway, it's good stuff.
- Fall premiere time! Hooray! On my roster for new shows: Reaper and Pushing Daisies both look really good, Chuck has potential and... crap, I'm drawing a blank. I watch too much TV.
As odd as it sounds I was pretty in favor of President Ahmedinajad visiting the US, but it sounds like that's gone over for crap, which is terribly disappointing. I don't want to go to war with another country who might blow us completely up! Ack!
...and I've stopped being interesting. Oh well!
Monday, September 24, 2007
- A Year of Living Biblically: This guy is so cool! He spent a year trying to follow the many very specific rules of the Torah. So very interesting.
- "Check" this "site" out if random punctuation makes you want to "punch" someone. I love nitpicking!
- My friend Chris is blogging now and is totally interesting and fun!
I know I have a limited audience, but it's fun to pretend I don't.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
So a couple weekends ago, I saw a review for I Sold My Soul on eBay, and the concept sounded so interesting, I actually went to Borders later in the day and picked it up. The basic premise is the author, Hemant Mehta, auctioned off the chance to send him to church, because he's really open-minded, and he wanted to see what he got out of it. Well, the auction raised $550, and every $10 bought someone a week, so the winning bidder and Mehta worked out an agreement, and he went to church for a year. He went to small churches, medium churches, big ones and megachurches, participated in the services and took notes of what worked and what didn't work. People hoping that he converted to Christianity might be disappointed, as Mehta remains an atheist at the conclusion of the book. But if you like honest discussion of the strong and weak points of religion from an outsider's eyes, and especially if you're looking for the big answers yourself, you'll probably really like this book. I did. A lot of the stuff that Mehta grapples with is stuff that I'm trying to work out as well. We have a lot of beliefs in common, with one difference: (well, not just one, but for the purpose of this point) I believe in God, and he doesn't. And you know what? That's not really that big a deal. Because the bottom line is we're both good people who want to do good things in the world and ultimately want to get as close to the truth as we can. Check out his website The Friendly Atheist for more on him.
Furthermore, I can't for the life of me figure out why I wasn't watching Arrested Development when it was on? I've been watching it with Jon since we started dating (actually a first date activity!) and it is seriously brilliant. Jason Bateman has been totally upgraded to TV boyfriend, and so has Michael Cera. It's to Will Arnett's credit as an actor that he hasn't been, as Gob is one of the funniest and most irritating characters I've seen. Get thee to Netflix and rent it if you haven't seen it!
Damn, what do I do on this thing besides recommend stuff? Bitch and moan, right. Well I don't actually have a bitch and moan in me at the moment, so this'll have to do.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
- The heat wave mostly broke! Hurray!
- It's the busiest week of the year for my office. Un-hurray.
- My dad has the cutest puppies on the planet (pictures forthcoming to verify this as true.) Huzzah!
- Charlie, the younger of the two, freaking got me up at a quarter to five this morning because, well, he was done sleeping. Boo.
- I get to see Jon in the next day or two! Joy!
- I haven't seen him in two weeks because he's got diverticulitis. Suck.
- ...I'm so tired I can't remember any more bullet points. Lame.
In other news, because I'm not completely useless, I did read a good book over the weekend. Lucky, by Alice Sebold. Sebold wrote one of my favorite books, The Lovely Bones, and one of the big things I admired in that was how poetic the language was in it, it was really quite beautiful. This book doesn't flow in the same way, but is definitely as good. Sebold gives an account of being raped at the end of her freshman year of college. Despite the seriously heavy subject matter, the book has a lot of fun bits, and it's amazing to read the way she handled herself during one of the most difficult things a person and her family and friends can go through. She actually seems to have a harder time processing a tragedy that happens later to a friend of hers. And a lot of it is being strong for others and defiance, but it works, and given that this is the way I deal with stuff, I really jived with it. If you haven't read it yet, I definitely recommend it.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Alternatively, my friend Jenn and I have determined that the heat wave may be coming from the collected heat of the pants that are ablaze in Washington DC these days. Either way, it needs to cool off before I go on an unfortunate water-gunning spree.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
- Do not pop the collar on your jacket or polo shirt up. I know you think it is a cool fashion statement. It is not. It makes everyone around you call you a douche. Why? Because you are. The only time this is acceptable is if it is freezing cold and you are trying to protect your neck. No? Collar down, skippy.
- If you are obviously pregnant, like in the neighborhood of 4-9 months, don't smoke AND drink in public. Everyone around you is judging you. Harshly. And you suck.
- Don't make fun of people for liking the opening band. I love Guster because they opened for Barenaked Ladies. Shut the fuck up and listen, or get a drink and chat, but mocking doesn't make you look cool, it makes you look like a douchewaffle supreme.
I still haven't finished reading Harry Potter yet. Can you believe it?
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
I have to tell you, I was not super-excited about this movie until I saw it. I hadn't watched any of the trailers, and though Goblet of Fire was good, it wasn't that good. Frankly, Michael Gambon seriously turns me off as Dumbledore. I've had the debate several times where people say that if he'd tried to play it as Richard Harris did, he'd get accused of aping Richard Harris. Well, I get that, I guess, but the thing is, Richard Harris was the absolute physical manifestation of what my mind sees Dumbledore as. In the two movies he is in, he shouts exactly one time, when the cave troll is let into Hogwarts, and that's to get the students to be calm and quiet. Other than that, his voice constantly sounds like he's having a conversation with one person, even if he is speaking in front of everyone in the Great Hall. Harris's eyes sparkled in the exact way I've imagined Dumbledore's, and the quieter moments he had with Harry really gave off that sweet, grandfatherly vibe that I think is key to the character. Albus Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard in the world, but he's also remarkably gentle, and has shown compassion to everyone, including Tom Riddle. Gambon is just so abrupt and harsh in comparison. In the Great Hall in Prisoner of Azkaban, his establishing scene at the opening banquet immediately turned me off. He sounded like was shouting immediately, and that's just not in character from the books. Yes, they're separate entities, but the character is who he is. My other big nits to pick is his absurd little wink near the end of PoA when he's telling Harry and Hermione to use the time-turner. It's so skeazy and not in character. It didn't come off right at all to me. And the last thing I'll bitch about was the Champion selecting scene in GoF. The way he shouted Harry's name, then ran up and grabbed him? No. Sorry, wrong number, not Dumbledore. So anyway, mostly because of that and the complete wussification of Ron Weasley, I wasn't the biggest fan of the last two movies.
Pleasant surprise, though, this was actually one of the best yet! So much stuff ended up working. Imelda Staunton could not have been a more perfect cast for Dolores Umbridge, nor could Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood. They were both fabulous editions to the cast. Also, it was good to actually get to spend some time with the character of Sirius Black, since he really didn't have much at all to do in GoF. I think Gary Oldman really got it right with the warmth and penned up energy Sirius has in the book. It was really nice to get to see that character fleshed out in movie form. Rupert Grint, Dan Radcliffe, and Emma Watson were all really good as well. Ron was less of a wimp! Huzzah! Their interactions were really solid and probably the best I've seen them yet.
Some of the special effects were stunners, too. Sirius speaking from the fire place was SO much better than it was in GoF. If you recall, GoF has his face basically animated in the coal bed of the fire. OoTP has his head as a form in the flames, which is so much closer to what I saw in my head, and much more satisfying. Tonks's transformations were great fun, but she was barely in the movie, which is a bit of a bummer. The Veil also looked awesome. It was a little more ethereal than I think I had pictured it, but it really worked, I was quite impressed. The thestrals didn't really fit my mind's eye picture. They looked more like dinosaurs to me. But they still worked, overall, and the scene with Harry and Luna was a nice one. The Wizard Duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort looked a bit too much like a light saber fight for me at first, but it moved away from that, which was good.
The best part to me was the training scenes for the DA. Those completely embodied to me what the book showed. Harry is a really good, really warm teacher, and the class is excited and eager to learn. The only omission I really missed was Harry seeing Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom at St. Mungo's. Seeing Mrs. L give the gum wrapper to Neville and to see Neville's reaction really changed that character for me. I actually really started to care for and about him as a main character at that point. The movie handled it fairly well, but I did miss the scene a lot.
Anyway, that's my two cents on that. The book comes out Saturday! And I have to go to a concert Saturday night! D'oh! Oh well. I'm sure I'll have more to say on that subject soon.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Dear Pope Benedict,
Listen, I know I'm a lapsed Catholic at best and you have virtually no reason to listen to me, but I really have to get some stuff off my chest. This whole thing, where you decided that Catholics are really the only Christians? Really pisses me off. One of the few things that I felt like the Catholic church really had over some of the other branches of Christianity was that it didn't do that. Before, it was like, "Yeah, you guys have some of the truth, but not all of it, but that's cool, you're on the right track." And your recent statement still sort of says that, but now you're all haughty and snotty about it. You do realize that Christians the world over work under the assumption that Catholics aren't really Christian, right? Like, we're kind of a confused cousin. And I've argued valiantly on the side of Catholics here, even though I don't agree with various parts of Church doctrine, et cetera, because my basic opinion is, God is smart enough to know we're all going to have different ways of finding Him. And no one has any business telling another person that they're wrong, because unless you've actually met the Entity, gotten your picture taken next to Him/Her, and have a t-shirt that says "I met the Creator of the Universe and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, and, oh yeah, affirmation of the Universe," I don't think you should speak with "infallible authority" about His will and truth. I don't know if you remember, but the Church and other major religions have kind of caused some major trouble with shit like that. (Reference: The Inquisition, The Crusades, the Holocaust, etc.) I understand that this is your faith, and it's truth and real to you, but I've found telling other people that they're wrong is not necessarily the most persuasive activity. Dialogue is. And your statement kind of shuts that down, and I don't think that's cool. Also, you sound like a pissy 12 year old by basing your argument on "Since you guys can't trace your origins back to the Apostles, you only sort of count." I don't know if you're aware, Your Holiness, but some of the wearers of the big hat bought the office, sold the office, screwed the office, et cetera. You can't tell me these were all divine descendants of Peter and tell me that you guys are infallible. Not buying it.
Seriously, if you want people to come to the Church and participate in it, you probably shouldn't make an effort to come off like a cranky, racist grandpa. Just my opinion. Oh, and looking like Emperor Palpatine doesn't help at all, either.
Chill out, be blessed, et cetera,
So that ended up being kind of long, and should probably be a post unto itself. More later, then!
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Every single person who has been on "My Super Sweet Sixteen" should be put on an island and forced to Lord of the Flies each other. Seriously. I have never seen a single child on that show who could behave like a human being. This girl freaks out and sobs and pitches a tantrum the size of Alaska because her mom gives her a brand new Lexus at school on her birthday rather than at her party. "You fucking ruined everything!" she cries. Seriously, what the hell kind of entitled bitch acts like that? And what kind of parent allows it? Fine, you get to be on TV or whatever, but now the entire viewing audience of MTV knows that
- if you're the girl, you're a giant, pissy, bitchy twat
- if you're the parent, you're spineless and your kid owns your ass.
And how the fuck do you not know that? You know MTV cuts this show to make you look like the biggest asshole possible. Why play into it? Why not be sweet and normal and fuck with them instead? If I had at any point in my life acted for a moment like one of these kids, my parents would have slapped the ever loving shit out of me, and rightfully so. Jesus. This is the kind of stuff that makes me hate everyone.
Friday, June 22, 2007
I don't know why this is the funniest thing on the internet ever, but it kind of is. I had to post it in case you haven't seen it yet.
Actually, I ammend that: Will Ferrell's "The Landlord" is the funniest thing on the internet ever, but this is really, really close.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
So, I needed to go get my tire patched at lunch, and I figured I would swing on in to your lovely establishment on the way back to work and grab a bite. Nothing complicated, just a couple of cheeseburgers and a small fry. I was handed my bag quickly and it felt about the right heft, and I was preoccupied with getting back to work and talking to my dad on the phone (I know, I know, don’t cell and drive; don’t you judge me, Wendy’s). So imagine my dismay when I got back to my desk at work and found not the food I ordered but two boxes of chicken nuggets.
Now, I hear your chicken nuggets are lovely. But I don’t like chicken nuggets. Not even with the ranch sauce you so thoughtfully provided. Which is why I ordered cheeseburgers. Which is why I drove back to Wendy’s to obtain said cheeseburgers. I’m sorry I disappointed and inconvenienced you by returning for my food; perhaps I should have just taken what I was given and been grateful. But I did pay $3.21 for my lunch, and I wanted what I wanted. And you cost me 30 minutes of my life I can’t get back, and some gas. Uncool.
I’m calling later to demand free shit, FYI.
Get an IQ,
Dear pResident Bush,
Wow, we have a lot to talk about today, don’t we?
First of all, why did you show up in my dreams last night? Second of all, please don’t ever do that again. I dreamed that you were driving me to my car in a ridiculously large Walmart parking lot, and we were even having a fairly genial chat. I informed you that I was a bleeding heart liberal, and you didn’t throw me under the wheels of your SUV, which was nice of you. But please, my psyche is fragile enough without someone I generally don’t care for or respect who is not a serial killer showing up in my dreams. So you stay out of mine and I’ll stay out of yours, okay?
My next bone is to just let you know that vetoing the stem cell legislation is a shitty thing to do. I watched my grandmother die of ALS, sir, otherwise known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. In case you aren’t familiar with it, it’s fucking evil. Basically, it shuts people down from bottom to top, encasing a sharp mind in a body that eventually can’t even swallow. Stem cell research is one of the few tools in the arsenal that stands a real chance of fighting ALS. And it’s not the only one: Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson’s Disease, cancer, there are so many applications it’s mind boggling. The embryos being used for this research are not gathered specifically for this purpose; they are the leftovers from in vitro fertilization, generally speaking. If they’re not used for stem cell research, they are literally thrown in the trash. Now, I ask you, sir, which seems to be more respectful of the potential of life: allowing that potential to be realized in some fashion, or tossing it with your empty Diet Coke? Furthermore, I have to wonder if you have never seen someone that you love dearly suffering from a disease that stem cell research might benefit. Even if you haven’t, I guarantee, someone else that you love has. Your moral opposition to this makes zero sense to me.
And finally, regarding your remarks last night at the Congressional Picnic:
THE PRESIDENT: Beats Workin, thanks for coming. (Applause.) Kermit, come up here. Kermit, we're proud to have you.
MR. RUFFINS: Well, thanks for having us.
THE PRESIDENT: Kermit Ruffins and the Barbeque Swingers, right out of New Orleans, Louisiana. (Applause.)
MR. RUFFINS: Thank you. Thanks for having us. We're glad to be here.
THE PRESIDENT: Proud you're here. Thanks for coming. You all enjoy yourself. Make sure you pick up all the trash after it's over. (Laughter.)
God bless you, and may God bless America. Thanks for coming. (Applause.)
…what? Seriously, what the hell? Is there any way that what you said is not racist, disgusting, ignorant, stupid? Because if there is, please show me, as I am genuinely confused by it. Come on, you’re the most visible representative for our entire country. Use your brain cells. Or at least let your speechwriters tell you what to do.
I understand you’re busy driving the country to hell in a handcart, I was just wanting to mention these things.
God Bless America, I didn’t Vote for You,
Monday, June 18, 2007
Dear Person Who Left a Note on My Car Last Friday,
You left the following message on my car window last Friday, in the parking garage at work:
"Shame on you! For taking up more than one space!!! You have been reported to Parking Service!"
I sincerely apologize for parking slightly to the right of the line. I didn't notice it that morning because I was running late to work, and the person parked next to me was about two inches from the line on his side, so I had to compensate a little to, you know, not hit the fuck out of our cars. But really. This is how pissed you get about someone parking slightly over the line in a parking garage that is not even moderately full at the time? This stirs your moral outrage? This causes you to SHAME ON ME? Wow. You really don't have a lot else to get pissed about, do you? Because if you watched the news or read the paper and saw that people kill other innocent people and kick puppies and cheat poor people, et cetera? You would lose your fucking mind. But really, thank you for pointing out to me what a horrible, immoral person I am. When my illustrious career as a serial killer begins, I will blame you. (And given our justice system sometimes, I'll probably get off!)
Take a Valium, Bitch,
Dear Kristy Swanson,
Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Did you really need to go all Tonya Harding on your lovechild's dad's ex-wife? In Canada? Well, if you didn't, thanks, because it's still kind of awesome.
See above re: Valium,
Fuck off some more. The Celebrity Fit Club people this season seemed nice, but you're a giant doucherag, and I hope someone shits on your head. I'm not talking about you ever again.
So go away,
Dear Wario Ware, Inc,
Jon lent you to me over the weekend, and I have to say, I think you're going to be trouble. Ridiculously short games tend to hold my ADDed attention span just fine. Last night, I spent 25 minutes "five more minutes"-ing you while I should have been falling asleep. Consequently, I tossed and turned for an hour waiting for my brain to shut down. However, I don't think I'm ever giving you back to Jon.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Dear Daily Show with Jon Stewart:
The Shaw-skank Redemption? Fucking awesome. God bless you.
The Shmaily Shmoe with Shmon Shmewart
Suck it. Giant temper tantrums shouldn't get you out of jail, so fucking cope with it, douchebag.
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.
Yeah, I'm not calling you Dustin Diamond. You'd have to earn that, since you seem to hate the entire reason anyone knows who the fuck you are anyway. I'm not proud that I watch Celebrity Fit Club, but I'm just waiting for people to kill you. Marcia Brady and Kimberly Locke may not fuck you up (although I wouldn't put it past them), but Brat, Cledus and Warren Fucking G might, so step lightly. I know the show's already over, but I hope Harvey finds you and eats your brains, if you have any. You're hilarious in your transparency and desperation to cling to famousness in any way. You're a dumb bastard, please go away, I hate you.
Friday, June 8, 2007
What time do you get up in the mornings?
During the week, anywhere between 6:30 and 7. On the weekends, whenever I feel not tired enough to get up.
First thoughts waking Up?
Crap, what am I going to wear?
Do you shower Daily?
Usually, but not if I oversleep.
Do you believe in Life on other planets?
I’m not arrogant enough not to.
How do you take your coffee?
Very sweet and with lots of milk.
Do you eat breakfast?
Yep, or else I’m starving by nine.
Do you prefer sleeping alone?
That depends on how tired I am and how hot it is.
Do you smoke cigarettes?
Have you ever burnt your hair?
I think bending over a candle or something.
Do you sleep with a pillow?
At least 2.
What were your habits as a child?
I had some significant OCD. I still like to eat fast food in a highly methodical manner: French fries first, then cheeseburger, but separated. Bottom bun, then top bun, then pickles, trim the excess cheese from the burger, eat the burger, eat the extra cheese. I’m weird.
Do you want kids?
I have no idea. Maybe someday.
Are you an only child?Nope, never. Not even in utero.
Do you like road trips?
Yeah, they can be totally fun.
Who are your 6 best friends?
Mary, Melissa, Becca, Ellen, Kara and Leila
Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
I never have, but there’s always a first time.
Do you eat leftovers?
Yep, if it’s food I like.
Do you prefer being single, or in a relationship?
Actually, I think both have their merits. Being single afforded me a lot of great friendships and more time to read and veg out, etc.
Are you in a relationship now?
It would appear that way, yes.
Have you ever cheated?
Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes, and to my face. What a fucker.
Once a cheater, always a cheater?
I don’t believe in absolutes.
Pajamas or naked?
Invisible jammies can be quite comfortable. But I go both ways.
What do you take when you have a headache?
Ibuprofen if it gets pretty nasty.
Roughing it or luxury hotel?
Probably luxury hotel, because I don’t like bugs or being really hot. But nature is beautiful!
Beach or pool?
I haven’t really had experienced the beach, but I’m sure both can be fun.
Would you give your number out to a stranger?
That depends: Do I think this person is going to turn out to be super-skeevy? And what is the relative hotness in relation to that?
I’m too afraid of being molested/killed/Unsolved Mystery-d.
Ever picked up a hitchhiker?
Roses or daisies?
I’m not a flower racist.
Do you consider yourself conceited?
I try not to be, but I’m sure I have moments.
Is your hair its original color ?
At the roots.
Do you wear makeup?
When I feel like it.
Do you eat ranch with your pizza?
No, and that oddly doesn’t sound good to me, though I love ranch.
Do you believe in God?
Do you have a crush on anybody right now?
Does he/she know it ?
At least one of them does. The celebrity ones not so much.
What food could you absolutely never give up?
Who's your favorite cartoon?Invader Zim!
What TV. shows do you watch?Scrubs, the Office, My Name is Earl, Project Runway, Top Chef, Mythbusters, The West Wing, Ghost Hunters, lots of other stuff.
Do you think you're attractive?
Are you allergic to anything?
Ever had your heart broken?
Who was the last person to hurt you?
Probably me, to be honest.
Who was the last person you hurt?
Again, likely me.
Do you wear socks to bed?
How do you feel about breast implants?
Well, I don’t need them for fuck’s sake.
What kind of shampoo do you use?
This giant bottle of stuff I bought on sale at one of these hair places. I don’t remember the name.
Have you ever been in love?
Yes, I have been.
Do you think love is real for young people?
I think it can be.
Have you ever loved somebody who didn't love you?
Yes, several people.
Black or white?Black, it’s harder to stain and ruin.
Say your opinion, or keep it to yourself?
Generally I have verbal incontinence, so there you go.
The snow or the sun?
Snow, just because I hate being hot.
Favt. Song at the Moment?
Hey There, Delilah, by the Plain White Tees.
Barenaked Ladies all the way.
Lost and Gone Forever is frickin’ awesome, but so as not to copycat, I can also say that I adore Everything to Everyone beginning to end. Basically all of Guster and BNL are awesome.
Last Movie you Watched?
Knocked Up. Hilarious!
Last song you sang?
“Wasted” by Carrie Underwood.
Do you like to dress up?
It can be fun occasionally.
How long does it take you to get ready after you get out of bed?
If I’m in a hurry, 2 minutes. If I’m not, 30 minutes.
Describe your type of dude/girl ?
Kind, funny, intelligent, etc. Physical stuff is great, but secondary, and magnified by the first stuff.
Will you Love Him/Her?
If not, that’s a new level of self-loathing, isn’t it?
Do you really understand what Love is?
I learn a bit more about it every day.
How many pairs of jeans do you have?
3 or 4.
Do you want to get married in a church?
Eh, probably not.
Shower in the morning or night?
I prefer morning.
Is there ever a justified reason to lie?
Again, I don’t deal in absolutes. But it shouldn’t be done lightly.
Favorite Disney movie?
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Have you already met the love of your life?
Do you think you and your best friend will still be friends in 10 years?
Mary will always be my best friend, I think.
Ever thought you were gay?
Not gay, but definitely interested in both genders.
Are you a good girlfriend/boyfriend?
Exceptionally, minus the neuroses and baggage. But I make up for it in other areas.
Hats or no hats?
My Castro hat is the shit.
Do you fall for people easily?
I experience all emotion intensely, so yes.
Is it hard for you to open up to people?
No, which has been and probably will be problematic.
Do you watch what you eat?
Yes, otherwise I’d spill it all down my boobage.
Is this true "an eye for an eye?"
Yeah, that always works out well.
"All's fair in love and war"?
That statement is just generally fucking retarded
"True love never dies"
If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be?
I’d lose weight.
Mom or dad?
Penguin? What is this question asking, because if it’s to pick a favorite, I’m not THAT dumb.
How long have you known your best friend?
Since 5th grade
What’s your favorite meal of the day?
Depends on what I’m eating.
Do you have any secrets?
Sure, everyone does.
What is your worst fear?Not becoming who I want to be.
Do you play hard to get?
I suck at those dumb games.
Are you hard to get?
Again, stupid games.
Do you like the chase?
To a point anticipation is fun.
Do you use an umbrella?
If I remember to carry one, sure.
Night or day?
Either, depending on amount of sleep I’ve had and what’s going on. Gun to head, probably day.
Republican or Democrat?
Democrat, though I wish my party would grow a pair.
Do you like our president?
I would like him to be impeached and tried for treason, yes.
Do you consider yourself 'nice'?
How do you want to Die?
Old and in my sleep.
What should you be doing right now?
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
But screw that real life stuff, let's talk pop culture consumption!
I loved The Forty Year-Old Virgin. It was one of the funniest, best performed movies I've seen in ages. So when I heard Judd Apatow had a new movie coming out starring Seth Rogen (Cal in TFYOV) I was pretty excited. The excellent thing is, the movie didn't at all disappoint! Rogen and Katherine Heigl actually worked great off of each other, and the supporting cast is hilarious. Judd Apatow doesn't necessarily "get" women as well as he does men, but he still does a great job overall. I feel like I had more to say about the movie, and I'm sure I'll think of it, but until my brain is working, that's a quick review. It's awesome, go see it.
Lamest post ever, but I'm too tired to care!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Shrek the Third
This was a perfectly serviceable installment of the Shrek franchise. It was by no means unfun, but definitely not as clever or as cute as the first two. Actually, the most fun parts are the parts that kind of glossed over. I’d watch a movie about the princess posse, and also one about the ugly stepsisters. Donkey was pretty funny, and Puss is a totally winsome character. The Shrek character didn’t seem to have the energy throughout that he did before, but that may be just what I saw. But overall, it’s a fun way to spend an afternoon. Frankly, though, I wish I’d paid matinee price instead of $9, but oh well.
Into Great Silence
I went and saw this last night with my friends Suzy and Dave. I actually didn’t stay all the way through it because I got a serious headache and the light was killing me. But the movie’s a German documentary about Carthusian monks. The Carthusians live very simple, quiet contemplative lives and the film shows it as just that. It’s startling how quiet the movie is, especially for the standard movie-goer. At one point, you spend about a minute listening to the snow falling. The movie was very peaceful and zen-like to watch, and it’s definitely something I want to see the rest of and probably own because it just gave me a nice, calm feeling. Also, it’s quite a compelling movie given the subject matter and the fact that very little happens. Anyway, if you’re into that kind of thing, check it out, it’s really good.
This weekend, I’m supposed to be seeing Knocked Up, which I’m stoked on. If it’s half as good as The Forty Year Old Virgin it’ll be a great popcorn flick.
Finally, in other pop-culture consumption news, I got The Office seasons 1 and 2 for my birthday. There is just some freaking killer acting on that show. Steve Carell is brilliant as Michael, and I’d forgotten how much of season 2 I watched through my fingers. The episode where he cooks his foot and Dwight gets a concussion is sheer genius. Also, the tête-à-tête between Pam and Jim, the flirtation, et cetera, is some of the best chemistry I’ve seen on TV. I’d not seen “The Booze Cruise” episode, and when Jim told the documentary filmers, “For the record, I’d save the receptionist,” my heart broke for him more than a little. And with The West Wing over, I can’t think of a better ensemble cast on network TV. How I Met Your Mother is a lot of fun, but this just feels more real. If you haven’t watched this show yet, please make it your summer mission to Netflix them, I highly doubt you’ll regret it.
Finally, a quick memo to the weather:
To Whom It May Concern:
It’s too hot for barely the beginning of July. Please take the wet towels off the planet and crank the air back down to the mid-70s or low 80s ASAP.
I Don’t Have Air in My Car, Please Give me an Effing Break
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
They showed Marlee Matlin in the audience of American Idol last night. Can she really fully appreciate... a singing competition? How does a deaf person develop an invested interest in that? It's all kind of confused.
Prediction: Jordin. I initially thought it would be Blake, but Jordin kind of burned it up last night, and frankly, I think she got the pimp. But I've been wrong almost every other time, with Fantasia as the exception, so we'll see what I know.
Monday, May 21, 2007
- You know those giant mascot costumes? I had to wear one once. I was being Arthur the Anteater for my mom as part of a book promotion thing. It paid like $8 an hour and I was in high school so it sounded great. The problem is kids are evil to people in costumes, with poking and kicking and saying mean things, and you aren't allowed to say shit. Arthur thought seriously about going on a killing spree those three or four days.
- I don't eat cheese by itself. This seems really odd to people, as I love grilled cheese and cheese on stuff, but I just... can't get behind eating it solo. It's probably textural, most of my food things are. But I really need to get over it, because it makes me a bitch to please at cocktail parties, etc. Oh, and I also can't stand macaroni and cheese. Bleh.
- My mom was super-duper over-protective. I wasn't allowed to ride my bike in the street (in a suburban neighborhood) until I was 14. I wasn't allowed to walk to the library (which was literally across the street) by myself until I was like, 13, and even then I had to take a pager so she could get a hold of me, and I had a time limit.
- I was like every other young girl in the world at one point and wanted to be a ballerina. My mom told me I couldn't be a ballerina because I was going to end up getting really big boobs, and I insisted that I wasn't ever going to have those. I was so wrong as to be hysterical. But really, my mom should have just told me no because I had flat feet.
- I like ranch salad dressing on so much stuff as to probably branch into gross. I particularly like it with meatloaf, which tends to gack out everyone around me. At least I don't put ketchup on my turkey like my brother-in-law! And it's got to be Hidden Valley. Nothing else tastes right.
- I'm afraid of birds, which is one of my go-to oddities. I'm working on being less afraid, but wing-flapping scares the hell out of me.
- When I was a kid, I wanted to be the following professions: lawyer (because I watched LA Law with my parents), actor/singer, marine biologist, President, writer. All things I still like, but none what I ultimately plan on doing.
- I'm really good at massage, and am so far self-taught. I want to get certified, though, so I can use it as a way to supplement my income. How awesome would it be to have a therapist who's also good at massage? I joke about it, but really, that might be a profitable career path...
Also, because I watched a fair amount of Inside the Actor's Studio over the weekend, I keep thinking about that survey from the end (you know, the one by Ber-nard Pe-VOT. I love James Lipton.) and have decided to answer it as well, so I can be prepared if the need arises.
What is your favorite word?
"Bulbous" because of the way it makes my sister laugh.
What is your least favorite word?
I hate the word "moist". It gacks me out.
What is your favorite curse word?
Bollocks. Though I say "fuck" far more frequently.
What sound or noise do you love?
Running water, great music, or genuine laughter.
What sound or noise do you hate?
Sirens really hurt my ears. I also hate the sound of parents speaking harshly to their kids, it makes me really anxious.
What turns you on or excites you?
Things that allow me to be funny, to think, or to do things for other people. Great music, or books or conversation.
What turns you off?
Small-mindedness and bigotry. People who don't listen to each other. Excessive egotism.
What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Well, we'll assume that my intended profession is out of the way, since I plan on being a counselor. I really do love performing, so any setting that would allow that.
What profession other than yours would you not like to attempt?
Anything that's excessively paper-pushy or mind-numbing. I need something that makes me think and really allows me to be creative and helpful. An Office Space type job would probably destroy my soul.
And finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
If you've read this, consider yourself tagged for one or both!