As you probably can tell by the amount of money I have fed you in the past couple of years, I am a big fan of your work. Your coffees are delicious, your caramel apple cider is almost criminal, and you even have a damn tasty tuna sandwich. But your biggest hold over me is the Iced Venti Soy Chai, and we both know it.
Oh, Starbucks, this drink is so delicious, so refreshing. I could have one every day from now until I die, and I would still find your beverage to be divinity in a large, clear plastic cup. So imagine my surprise this morning when my delicious, icy beverage was served with a side of rage. This rage, Starbucks, is because in the cup, along with my 2/3 chai 1/3 ice ratio (don’t think I don’t notice that, barista-types. I would yell, but I like my drink cold.) was about half an inch of air.
Starbucks, this is not acceptable. As you are aware, I allow you to rape me at least weekly for the four odd dollars it costs to procure my wonderous beverage. I will not have you short-changing me out of what has to be at least a good ounce or two of delicious drink. I’m not kidding, I was so irritated by it I wanted to chuck the drink at the barista’s head. And why? Why should you do this to me, your loyal and humble bitch? Please don’t hurt me like this again. Ice should touch lid, mmkay?
Fill it up,
Dear Warm Weather,
Please don’t get me wrong. I do appreciate and enjoy you, and the daily walks have been endlessly pleasant. However, it’s March. It shouldn’t feel like mid-May. My sinuses are confused. Could you please crank it back to the 60s? Just briefly? I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but if you could work that out, it would be great.
Go Away Global Warming,Angie
Dear Functions and Logarithms,
You are all that is between my degree and I. Don’t screw this up for me. I just. Need. To pass.
Then You Can Go With Global Warming,Angie