Mercury is going retrograde on my ass

Oh, an eventful weekend thus far. Waaaaay more than one post. So let's start with Friday, shall we?

I've been planning to have an Independence Day party for the last few weeks, to celebrate one year of living on my own and being able to take care of myself. I invited three of my good friends from work over for a slumber party, and have been looking forward to it a ton. And yet, I was the last person to arrive at said party. How? Funny you should ask.

There's this kid who lives on the bottom floor of my building named Barry. He's a good kid. He's got ADHD so badly, and he seems to be kind of lonely and stuff, but he's a good kid, and he walks Shadow for me on days when I'm going to be late, or whenever he's bored. He came up Friday evening while I was cleaning to walk Shadow. Before he had even gotten down the hallway, one of our neighbors was calling to him to let him know that his mom was in the hospital from having a panic attack. Barry's 12, and can't drive, and this woman's son had her car at work. I asked if she was ready to come home, and the neighbor assured me she was. So, with a great sigh, I got Barry in the car and drove him downtown to get his mom.

Well, Kathie, Barry's mom, it turns out, was not so much done. At all. And Barry could not think of a single person he could call to pick them up and take them home. Hoookay, I want and need good karma, right? So I say, no problem, call when you're ready, and I'll bring you home. Barry wants to stay. Kathie, barely being able to move and all, was not sold on that, and he pitched a little hissy before letting me drive him home. Meanwhile, please imagine me calling my friends like, "I should be home in 30 minutes, so just hang out. Sorry!"

So I stop and get Barry and I some dinner, and I drop him off at his apartment, thinking it's going to be two or three in the morning before Kathie is ready to leave. Nope! 45 minutes later she called and was ready to come home. Barry and I drove back out there, 20 minutes one way, and pick her up. We're about half-way home when she asked if I could drop her off at her car. Sure, where's your work? Oh, Brownsburg, just about 30 minutes out of town. (Please insert pictures of me twitching.) The only time I showed to them that I was testy (because poor Kathie really has had a bad few months) was when Barry was like "I want to ride home with Angie!" I was like "NO." And then I realized I sounded like an asshole, so I softened it, but still, NO.

So it was about 10:15 by the time I got to my sleepover. Heh. It still ended up being really fun, though. We ate cheesecake, watched Hitch and Say Anything and just had a good time. Saturday morning, my friend Suzy made a sun-dried tomato and mozzerella casserole and home-made cinnamon rolls, which were SO delicious. So whoever thinks sleepovers should be limited to teenagers really just haven't had one recently.

In the next edition: Parents being evil! A sandwich straight from God! Weather straight from hell! And Guster in concert! Fun times.

Quotes from work which prove my life is sad

"Dude, my cable comes with free karaoke! I love it. I sit around sometimes and sing... karaoke... by myself. Shit, that was the most depressing thing I've ever said."

To which my adorable coworker Jenn replied "That may be the most depressing thing EVER said."

Oh crap, I'm old

Seriously, I would never have thought that 24 was old. I mean, mid-twenties! Sure, I've had my joking moments, like at the N*Sync concert (shut up, I went with a friend and didn't pay for the ticket and DON'T JUDGE ME) and the kids in front of us didn't know who "Deborah" Gibson was. That sort of stuff. But what sealed it for me was about two hours ago when Alex, the kid I babysit for said the following: "That Lego set you got me for my birthday is tight." What the hell?! You're 8! The only things that should be "tight" are your pants because of growth spurts. But that's not the worst part, oh no. Alex was flinging himself about the room like a spaz, which is fine, and I said, "Kid, you have lost your MARBLES!" He looked down, and I said, "What? You're crazy!" Alex said "Well, I have marbles there, too, with my penis." Ohmygod you're 8! Why would that even occur to you? Why are you saying the word "penis"? I'm 24 and I still giggle half the time I say it. The word butthole sends you into convulsions! Don't say that word, even if it is anatomically correct! Sweet god, you're freaking me out!

And that, my friends, is the tragic tale of how I got old.

Books a Man Has Given Me That Made Me Swear NEVER to Go on Another Date with Him EVER Again

Doppelganger over at 50 Books is doing lists of books this year. Huzzah! I love lists. See the subject line for today for the topic of the first list. Off we go.

• The Kama Sutra. Dude? It's called subtlety. Get some.
• Anything by Chuck Paluhniuk. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy Paluhniuk. But Fight Club and such? Are pretty violent, messed-up books. If a guy gave me that, I'd have no choice but to wonder why, and as such would obsess and come to the conclusion that the guy was a Tyler Durden, and then I'd be bummed that he didn't look like Brad Pitt and I'd be paranoid, so... thanks for playing, we're done.
• A Star Trek Book. Or Star Wars for that matter. Pretty much anything involving galactic civil war. I'm not a geek hater. My ex-boyfriend loves and works in comics for god's sake and I've been known to adore certain ones as well. Y The Last Man, for instance, is a great series, as is anything by Judd Winick and Jhonen Vasquez. I'll even watch the Star [insert subject] movies with you. But if you think I'm going to read that kind of stuff? Nope. Sorry!
• The Catcher in the Rye. Look, I'm sure it's a great book. I've been told it is, but I read it and hated it, and if you give it to me, I'm going to assume you relate to Holden, and then I'll start to hate you. So thanks, but no thanks.

It would take a lot to be a deal-breaker, but I think I can say with confidence, those would definitely break the deal. What would yours be?